Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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