How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
