New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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