I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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