i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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