I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
