I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
