i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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