I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
