So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
