I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
