Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
