I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
