She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
