you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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