Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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