Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
