So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
