i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
