she was so not down for the gang bang
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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