I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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