Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
