1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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