apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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