dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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