just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
