Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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