I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
