im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
