Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
