Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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