Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She tied me up with her honor cords...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
