yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize