We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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