I hate your face
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
