Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
