My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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