Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
