I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
