i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
