I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
