My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
