I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
