If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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