dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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