I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
