mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
