just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
