wat bout pragnant strippers??
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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