his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
