so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize