ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
