I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
