either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
