he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize