Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
