true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize