Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
