Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize