I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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