He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize