We're facebook friends in real life
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
