We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my being single is dangerous.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
this hospital has no fireball
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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