I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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