the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
