i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
