come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Can you bring me the toilet please
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
